Don’t Cook Naked!

Children should not cook. They should REALLY not cook naked, or wearing only an apron.

And yet many Thanksgiving cards encourage them to do just that.

It’s breathtakingly irresponsible.

It starts by having to bring the bird to the kill site…while naked.

Some naked children have the bird pull a wagon made of…squash.
Others choose to ride the bird itself

The next step is apparently having to kill the bird…while naked:

It helps with cleaning up.

The next step is simply cooking the bird. Sometimes one naked child is up to the task:

At other times, two naked children are required:

My wishes at this point would not be good.

Finally, a child must carve the bird…while wearing only an apron. But, basically, naked:

Not advised.

Some children do break with tradition and serve their creations while clothed.

I don’t believe he made that.

In most cases, however, children who choose to serve while clothed prove themselves to be amateurs, as in this case, where the clothed cook somehow forgot to kill and cook the bird:

The other foolish children do not notice his error.

Notice, however, that clothed adults do not seem to perform any better:

Mom didn’t even pluck the feathers.
I’m sure she means well.

But, truly, kids shouldn’t cook Thanksgiving dinner. That’s all I’m trying to say. So many things could go wrong:

Seconds away from a ruined dinner.
Do not carry the bird while wearing clogs. Also, don’t be Dutch on Thanksgiving.
Balancing the tray on one hand is not recommended for children under 3 years of age.


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