Have a Smokin’ Christmas!

Tumblr’s the biggest social media following I’ve got, around 25k followers as I write this. (It was more before the Great Pr0n Purge of 2018, but that’s another story.) I keep it mainly as the base of my card queue: I can upload a ton of cards all at once to Tumblr’s queue, and it’ll spit them out at regular intervals, which I then have cross-posted to everywhere else.

(Occasionally my over-elaborate setup means that not all the cards make it to Twitter or FB or whatever, so if you’re a completist, follow my Tumblr account here.)

I used to always do a “Challenge me to find something!” game over there where people could submit “Elephants!” or “Abusive uncles!” and I’d see if I could turn up cards about those things. It was fun, but I’d always get so behind that too many people got left out. I miss it, tho. So when someone just sent me a note asking if there were a ton of cards about smoking or tobacco, my first inclination was just to say “Yep!” and move on. I didn’t want to start a trend.

But then I started having fun distracting myself and procrastinating from editing the podcast (and also the other podcast) by looking for pics. And there were way too many to just put in a post. So @tobacconist, you win the jackpot. I had to write up a whole article because trying to do this as a Tumblr post would be stupid.

Here we go: “any smoking santas or otherwise tobacco related images perchance? 🥺” Lord, yes. Too many. This is just a sample of what I could find today.

First, there are tons of pics of Santa smoking a pipe. Here are some that strike me as a bit closer to the “weird” edge of things:

With a corncobe pipe and a lustful leer…

Do kids ever ask for windmills nowadays? Asking for a friend.

You’ve never known winter. *I* have known winter.

There’s a whole subgenre of smoking Santas where the smoke from his pipe is doing double duty, setting up another scene or spelling out a message:

Now once you get beyond Santa pics, there’s still plenty of shmoke to be shmoked. You get the occasional plain pipe card:

I’m sure the hardcore tobacco mixers could sniff out precisely the blend this is.

My favorite, of course, are all the Christmas cards with little kids smoking.

Maybe he’s just playing with his dad’s stuff, but that pipe’s not for amateurs.

Whether it was intended as a Xmas card, it was sent as one.

After that, all bets are off, and things just get wild:

Seems a bit personal to bring up her glowing box…

You’d think they’d avoid burning things.

Everyone deserve a smoke after conquering giants.

Now, these aren’t cards of course, but there were so many wonderful Christmas cigarette ads that we have to share at least some of them:

And I’ll throw in a few more that just generally have “smoke” even if it’s not from pipes, cigarettes, or even tobacco:

That is indeed smoke b/c it’s on fire. Not just steam.

They forgot to include this in the Book of Revelations.

If you’re feeling generous, you can leave a donation at Ko-Fi.com. It’s probably Christmas-time (ish) when you’re reading this, so remember the spirit of the season is giving. And I’m trying not to turn on the guilt machine, but I would like to pay my hosting fees. heh heh

Or PLEASE LEAVE A WEIRD REVIEW ON APPLE PODCASTS OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST APP! Send me a note that you did (weirdxmas@gmail.com), and I’ll send you a sticker!