Halloween in September

Pumpkins melt. True fact.

I get too excited about the holidays and start posting things way too early. Every year, I say I’m going to wait until October to start posting. But then September 3rd rolls around, and I’m like LET’S DO THIS!

Then reality hits me, and it’s still hot outside.

Not even like, a warmish 70’s with moderate humidity, but a full on blast of 90’s that fill the forecast.

I don’t need help sweating, thanks.

The last week has been awful because I keep thinking that we’re on the cusp. It’s the 15th, right, so Ides of September means we should be on the edge. And the forecast kept saying that if I can hold out for a few more days, we’ll be to highs in the 60s and 70s, and I can deal with that. But goddam Andy Avalos [he retired since I wrote this] keeps pushing those cooler temps one day away. Then one more day. Then just one more day. SCREW YOUR SMILING CHEERFULNESS AND GIVE ME THE COLD!

So I started trickling out the Halloween cards, and I really, REALLY want to feel it. But until it’s cool enough that I can burn scented candles without the air conditioning blowing them out, I’ll just kinda cower and whimper.

Not the kind of Halloween heat I’m talking about.

So last time I mentioned how much I hate August. I’m starting to wonder if I’m really that much of a fan of September, either. And that’s weird for me. Maybe I really just like the last week of September. Or maybe I’m a fan of the idea of September but not the reality, kinda like how you sometimes get wistful about that crush you had in high school occasionally but then realize that you probably wouldn’t be happy living with someone whose favorite movie never got beyond Critters.

Going to school in Texas, I always remembered the teachers decorating their rooms for September with falling leaves and pumpkins and pictures of people in sweaters. But we were still wearing shorts and tshirts to school and dreading the walk home. That feeling followed me even when I moved north. I blame all of you bastards who don’t pay attention to your carbon footprint. Arrogant disbelievers! I mean, it’s one thing not to care about the ice caps, but this is my seasonal comfort we’re talking about here! Go buy a damn hybrid! Walk to work! I’ve got a mood to set!

Who does this? They’re sweaty. They actually worked out in costumes?

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