Announcing the EIGHTH Annual Weird Christmas Flash Fiction ConThology!

EDIT!!!!!! THE SHOW IS OUT NOW! GO LISTEN AND READ NOW!!!!

Yes, the (non) contest is alive, and, yes, it’s late. It’s been a rough year, and I’ve lost a lot of the time for REAL work because of all that half-ass work that actually pays. I had to figure out how to make adult money so that I can give away pittance money (i.e., money on the things that actually give me meaning and soul-fulfilling joy like fiction that people spend effort on knowing that, IF it ever pays, it won’t be enough to live on) because THAT’S HOW OUR SOCIETY WORKS! And, according to how we vote and how we spend our ever-diminishing spare cash, we seem to desperately want it to stay that way, if our ever-more-depressing hellscape of a “country” (for both citizens and non-citizens, and even for people who live blissfully on the other side of the planet) is any indication.

But I digress.

You want slasher-Santa-adjacent flash fiction, so I’m gonna give you slasher-Santa-adjacent flash fiction!

It’s time for the 8^th Annual Weird Christmas Flash Fiction ConThology! It used to be a contest; now it’s an anthology. And since our world seems to prefer thoughtless drivel pumped out by AI un-thinking-machines, I’m using the ugliest word I can imagine. It doesn’t sound good, AND it’s confusing! What more could you want!?

But what that means is that now you (yes, YOU!) can write me some “content” so that I can maintain my barely-existent social media branding!

No… Craig, stop. It is possible to have too much cynical snark. Let at least some of the Christmas spirit into your weary, aging heart.

Fine. <deep breath>

It’s time for me to ask for your submissions for this year’s Weird Christmas Flash Fiction show! This will be the 8^th year in a row, and it is the BEST thing that has come out of my odd holiday fixation. [Last year’s show/site is here.]

This is a contest for flash fiction of no more than 350 words that’s both about Christmas (or any other winter holiday) and simultaneously weird. Exactly what that means is up to you because you’re the one with literary pretentions and a damaged psyche. All you have to do is make something about the Christmas season seem new and unsettling with a bit of that grinning like you’re not sure if it’s funny or creepy, and you make your fellow co-conspirators in this hell of existence a bit more bearable.

This year, I’m totally giving up on the contest idea because because certain “leaders” who drone on and on about the BEST this and GREATEST that have made me absolutely sick of anyone using superlatives in any form or fashion. And I’d rather pay everyone a professional rate* rather than just the “winners.” [*As defined by the Science Fiction Writers of America, or at least $.08/word.]

Contests probably get more action and attention, but they also attract the attention of the miserably insecure who need someone else to tell them they’re best by, like, giving them a Nobel Peace Prize or making people build them giant ballrooms because Putin’s is bigger. I’ve also gotten bored with feeling like I have to say someone’s story is literally “worth more” than another.

So this year, every story gets $35. Think of it as submitting for a publication or anthology… because that’s what it is. And I don’t know anyone who goes into anthologies thinking “I MUST RATE ALL OF THESE EXPERIENCES AND DEFEND MY SELECTION OF WHICH IS MOST WORTHY!” That’s a very un-Christmassy thing to do, anyway.

Instead, I may well give made up awards off the cuff. Maybe I’ll do a most disgusting award and give an extra few bucks. Or maybe I’ll give a “most initially boring and unoriginal to me which turned out to be freaking amazing after” and mail them a couple coupons (in addition to the $35). I dunno. Gift giving is most exciting when it’s a surprise.

That also means no “official” categories this year like I’ve done in the past. Instead, here are some I used before and a few others that people suggested to spark some imagination:

1. Stocking Stuffer – My favorite: just write whatever the hell you want. Anything goes as long as it fits the rules and general guidelines down below.
2. Weird Cards – Head to Bluesky or Twitter or Tumblr or Facebook or Instagram and find an old card I’ve posted. Write a story inspired by it. Be sure to link the card when you submit your story.
3. Weird Unreal Cultural Celebration – Create a new holiday. But it also has to be from a new culture. Maybe even a new species on a new planet in period of history that doesn’t exist. I’m not talking “Merry Spaghetti Day!” I mean something like how the astral beings of the Fourth Allegorical Realm of Post-Unitarian Saturn celebrate alternate birthdays. Something truly weird.
4. The “Worst” AI Story that Wasn’t Actually Written by AI. I’ll let you figure out what that means.
5. The Angry-yet-not-Cliche Protest Christmas Story. I think the guy who suggested this just wanted to be sure everything everywhere was about hating the Cheeto.
6. Christmas Cryptids – self-explanatory
7. Christmas ‘shipping. (IYKYK. Personally, I think this is a horrible, horrible idea, but then I’m not an emotionally stunted fanfic reader who spends way too much time on Tumblr. …or am I?)
8. Dickens’ (NOT “A Christmas Carol”) and Genre Mixup. Basically do the whole Dickensian style in something weird about Christmas that is NOT about Scrooge and the three (er, four) ghosts.

I’ll publish at least a dozen or so stories, and each one will be paid (at least) $35.

Otherwise, the rules are the same as previous years:

• Deadline December 1, 2025. Winners will be announced on the podcast/site as soon as I can get it out, hopefully before Christmas.
• 350 word max limit (title not included). No exceptions.
• $35 for every story included. [I use Paypal but can make exceptions.]
• Winners will be read on my podcast (preferably by you, but I can find others) and published on my site.
• Submissions must be EMAILED to weirdxmascontest@gmail.com. Either paste it into the body or attach a file. Please include your name, but writer bios are unnecessary (until we get to the winners).
• You can submit multiple stories. I will accept poetry, but it must be narrative. (Do NOT assume that sending me 20 or 30 stories will “increase your chances.” If you’re throwing shit against the wall hoping something sticks, I can guarantee you it will all stink.Please
• Please include only one story per email.
• If you send me a Google Doc link, please make sure the access is set so I can read it. Otherwise, it’s just a link you sent to a guy who can never open it. Congratulations! (And, not to sound crude, but I get too many of those to keep track of which I’ve gotten permission for or not at any given time. If I can’t read it when I open your email the first time, I can’t promise to circle back around to it.)
• Best practice: just copy/paste the text into the email. Easier than a link or file, anyway.
• Do I even have to mention anything about AI? If you do use AI and I end up loving the story, we’re all screwed, and the end has come. So just don’t. Besides, if you’re too lazy to write a story that no one is forcing you to write, why are you even bothering? At the very least, retain some shred of dignity and maybe try a Burroughs-esque “cut up.”

And then I’ve got some general guidelines to answer the perennially asked questions:

First, What should the story be about? Make it weird, strange or odd. It can be “Haha!” weird or “Oh, Jesus, no!” weird. It can be genre (sf, fantasy, horror/weird, bizarro, etc.) or it can just be off-kilter. Sentimental is fine, but it better be sentimental in a way that leaves me feeling…uncomfortable. As long as it’s something about the holidays we aren’t expecting, it fits.

Second, Does it have to be specifically about Christmas? It must be related to any winter holiday (Christmas, Hannukha, Kwanza, solstice celebrations, “Yule,” etc.). You can include other holidays like Halloween or Easter, but it still needs a strong connection to the winter season’s celebrations.

Third, How do I know what you like? A few people asked which well known authors I like for comparison. I don’t advise trying to copy their styles, but a few names that you can check out anyway: Michael Cisco, Steve Aylett, Leonora Carrington, Gene Wolfe, and Shirley Jackson just to name a few who sort of circle around what seems right for this. The best thing to do is to see what I picked from the previous contests here, here, here, here, and here.

Fourth, A tease: I’d love to collect and publish all of these after another round or two, and I started looking into it. So keep in mind that it might be more than just a random online contest somewhere down the line…And that leads me to…

Fifth, Do you keep the rights to the story? I’m asking for first rights to publish your story here and on the podcast. Beyond that, feel free to submit it somewhere else simultaneously, as long as the other venue doesn’t ask for exclusivity while the contest is ongoing. Note that if I publish it, and you do want to take it somewhere else after the contest, it will technically count as a reprint. Keep that in mind if you’re hoping to get this published somewhere that pays more than I can, and, truth is, reprints won’t be as attractive to most markets. Hopefully paying a bit more this year won’t make that an issue too often, but I like to be clear.

Finally, What if I’m trying to make a career as a writer? Is this thing legit? Like I said, this year I’m paying at least $.08/word which counts for most associations as “professional” market sale. Thank you to those who just randomly send me PayPal donations. (And thank you previous Patreon supporters! And thank you to Ko-FI.com supporters!)

If you have any other questions, please contact me at weirdxmas@gmail.com or weirdxmascontest@gmail.com.

NOW GO BE MERRY AND MESSED UP!!!!!